What Would Never Be
by leftmywingshome
Summary: Beth's POV after she is taken by the Grady Memorial people. There is one person in particular that keeps her going and gives her hope.


The first thing I thought of when those guys threw me in the car was Daryl. Before they tied me up and taped my mouth shut I looked over the back seat and out the window. I saw him in the road, running after the car, running after me. I swear I heard him scream my name. And I cried then.

I was scared, but more than that I was angry. Daryl and I had almost been happy. We had shelter and food and for the first time in my life I had felt something different in my heart when I looked at Daryl. After so many losses and so much heartache you'd think a person would just be incapable of feeling anything. I never shed a tear over the two boyfriends I'd lost, but I was crying in the backseat of that car for Daryl and screaming his name. The men who took me looked like policemen, like the kind of people who are sworn to protect you. But looks can be deceiving. One of them reached back and hit me when I started screaming. Then he wrestled me into cuffs, that's when my wrist was broken. I shut up real quick after that and just laid on the seat. I was terrified. I prayed to a god I no longer believed in to keep Daryl safe and to lead him to me.

The next time I woke up I was in a hospital bed in a strange room. My head felt cloudy and my body felt heavy. I figured I must have been drugged. I pulled the IV out of my arm and got out of bed. A man in a white Dr.'s coat and a woman in a police officer's uniform came in. They told me they had rescued me, that they had saved me from walkers. I didn't need to be saved. I was with Daryl. I was safe. They took me. Why am I here?

I figured out real quick that I needed to stay quiet and find out what was going on before I acted. I was vague about my life before, giving as little details as possible. I wanted to run the first chance I got. To find any open door and just run until I found Daryl and we could go back to what we were before and I could wake up from this terrible nightmare.

What were we? When you're quiet you have a lot of time to think. And all I thought of was him. Before we left the prison he was like family, he'd taken care of all of us, protected us, been there every day. He had been my friend. And he'd made me feel safe, along with Rick and Glen and my dad. I'd always thought I'd annoyed him. I'd catch him looking at me and I'd felt self conscious, like I'd done something really dumb. But there were a couple of times I'd seen something else in his eyes. A different light there. A good thing. Nothing vile or evil or creepy. Not like the men here at this place. I soon learned that the female patients were expected to keep these monsters happy. I knew that Daryl would kill them without blinking an eye if he knew what they expected out of me. Daryl was a good guy. Beneath that tough exterior was a boy who'd been broken by life, but had a second chance to find a place to belong when the world fell apart.

My heart ached. I wanted those few precious moments back. I wanted Daryl back. I was scared and alone and this place wasn't a good place. It was the strong preying on the weak. Dawn thinks I'm weak. She says I owe her and the hospital for saving me and taking care of me. It was just like Noah, the boy I met here said it was. But we're going to get out. I'm going to find my family. I'm going to find Daryl.

After the governor came and we got out of the prison Daryl didn't talk for days. I thought he was mad that he got stuck with me. But then I found out he was really shouldering all this guilt because he really believed if he'd done things differently we wouldn't have lost people. We wouldn't have lost my dad. I don't blame Daryl for my father's death. I don't blame anyone except the governor.

I tried to get out. Noah and I. Gorman, the cop who hurt me and tried to use me found me in Dawn's office. I was stealing a key- a way out. I had to kill him, but I don't feel guilty. Sometimes the choices we have to make are tough. Noah made it. I got caught. But with him goes my hope that he will find some of my people and they will find me. I want him to find Daryl. I want Daryl to know that I'm not dead. I'm still here.

Rick said we have more to fear from the living than we do the dead, and he's right. What's happening here at Grady Memorial makes death seem like an escape. Dr. Edwards is wrong. Out there beyond these walls there is more hope than there ever will be in here. They are all just walkers waiting to change.

It is possible to live together and love and trust again. I've seen it happen. We have that, my family and I. And I have that with Daryl. He let me in and showed me who he really thinks he is. His perception of himself is wrong as it often is when we think of ourselves. I see someone else when I look at Daryl. He isn't a "nobody" to me. I think about if I wasn't here, if I'd never been here. All that Daryl and I went through…. He held my hand and my heart.

Somehow Carol has ended up here. She's injured and unconscious but she is here so that has to mean they are looking for me. Noah must have found someone. Her injuries aren't life threatening and Dr. Edwards is taking care of her. Of course I won't tell them how strong she really is and how dangerous she can be. I want her to survive. And I will make sure she does. I know I've crossed the line this time. And maybe Dr. Edwards is right. Dawn didn't let me have the meds to save Carol out of kindness. There's more too it.

Something is going on. There are rumors of a hostage situation outside the hospital. Carol is with me all the time now, but we don't talk. I know she is taking everything in. Dawn is being nice. Too nice. But I'll play along. I have to. I think that I have finally figured it out and Dawn knows I know. This place isn't a safe haven. It's a game. It's survival. You have to use one another to get what you need or you'll die. They use the weak to get what they want. I'm just waiting for the chance to go. To run. But it turns out I don't have to run anywhere.

I am told by another patient to change into my old clothes. Something is definitely going on. This makes me uneasy and I search for a weapon of any sort. Because like I said before, this place is all about survival. I grab a pair of scissors and slide them inside my cast. Dawn came in and took Carol and I. She said something about making a trade for her people. That's all she said to me. If I am going to walk out of here alive I want to remember that being alive isn't necessarily living. In a world where we no longer take survival for granted we have to remember to live. Living is how we show gratitude for surviving. I want to live.

At the end of a long hallway I catch sight of them. My people, my family. And my heartbeat quickens just knowing they are there for us. We haven't been forgotten or left behind. I want to take off running just to be able to once again be a part of them, to be surrounded by them. The expression on Rick's face is strained. Michonne is beside him as always. And Daryl. He's there. For an instance our eyes meet and I see terror and relief. But he's here. They're all here and I can go home.

Negotiations never seem to work out the way all parties intend. I barely listen as they go through the formalities. I just want the switch to be made. And then it is because Carol is being taken away toward the others. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I'm being led that way too. I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I've just woken up from a terrible nightmare and all the people I love most are right there with me. Rick smiles and nods at me. Daryl looks at me and there is so much that goes unsaid. He steps aside and puts me behind him. Where I know he feels I am safe. He puts himself between me and the monster. Even though I know he sees me as a much stronger person now he still feels the need to protect me. That's just what he does. I smile slightly remembering the time we spent in the woods and on the road. He always had a hand out to pull me behind him or he'd walk in front of me, taking the lead putting himself in the path of anything dangerous before me. I was safest standing behind him.

I hear Dawn say, "Now I just need Noah." No! That's not how it's going to go. He got out. He found help. He can't stay here. He belongs with us now. But he isn't listening to Rick. He's just walking back towards the monster. The only shred of humanity here was Noah. I step out from behind Daryl.

"Wait." I have to thank him. I have to say goodbye. I go to him and hug him.

"It's okay." he said.

And then Dawn said, "I knew you'd be back." I can't believe this person. Well I can because she isn't the first evil person I have met. She isn't really even evil, just wrong. And then I am walking towards her and reaching into my cast where I hid the small pair of medical scissors. And suddenly sacrificing for the greater good makes sense. Wasn't that what she said we had to do? I just want to end this. I want to be able to walk out of here with the people I love and maybe have a future with the only man I have ever cried over. My daddy always said the road to hell is paved with good intentions. My first mistake was stepping out from behind the safety of Daryl Dixon. My second was assuming that I could change the world. This ugly, dark, world. The wound I caused Dawn was superficial at most. But what ever happened to me is much more permanent. Everything is black and I am falling, but I hear voices and a gunshot and close by someone is softly crying. What have I done? Where have I gone? Daryl? Where are you? This is how my story ends. This is what would never be.


End file.
